living on one income 1: pray
I am, thank the Lord, living one of the [more] common minority positions in our society today. I am a stay-at-home mom. Our family of four lives on one income that, according to statistics, sits in the “poverty” range. I do NOT feel like we are living in poverty. As a matter of fact, I feel that we have so much more than many people. We live in a house (on 20+ acres soon), own two cars (they’re paid for), have a year’s pass to Sea World, are able to spend from 4:00pm every day, until bedtime, together, as a family, doing various activities, and we have never gone hungry. Notice, previously, I said ”according to statistics” - because in the love of Christ we are RICH. And it is He that is providing our way on one income in this two income world. Why? Because it is His will for mothers to be Keepers of their homes.
This post is the beginning of a series that I am going to write on how to be a stay-at-home-mom on one income. It is definately realistic and if it’s a desire of your heart I encourage you to come back and see what there is to glean from. I will be posting one point each week for the next, at least, several weeks. You may already know all I have to say, but you may be able to catch a couple of things that you hadn’t thought of yet. If nothing else maybe it will serve as encouragment in your current endeavor. If you are wanting to make this change in your life, I applaud you! You have heard the call of the Holy Spirit and are submitting to it. You will be Blessed for doing what His heart’s desire is and will enjoy this season of your life more than you can imagine. Let’s begin…
First and foremost, this is not your decision (at least not alone). Your husband is the final authority in your home and therefore must have the same desire. If you simply make this decision, without consulting him, you will cause much strife. Going from two incomes to one is going to be catastrophic to the entire house and everyone has to be prepared. This includes your children as well. I would suggest that you start praying for God to open your husband’s heart to this before you choose to even make a move in speaking to him about it. God will do work, in your husband, that you cannot do. Pray for his strength as the leader of your home. For as the providers, it is our husband’s jobs to make sure their family is taken care. They are going to be judged for the role they play and the integrity within it. And even if this doesn’t appear to be the case, I assure you, it is. Men tend to look at the black and white of a situation, where as women, we look at the heart of the matter. Take time in this endeavor. You have been working for this long, a little more time, in prayer, couldn’t hurt.
Tomorrow’s post will be on how to petition your husband for something of this magnitude. Until then, just keep praying; there is power in your prayers.
~ Blessings
living on one income 2: petitioning our husbands
Yesterday I touched base on the point of being a stay-at-home mom; living on one income in a two income world. The main point I tried to make yesterday was that this decision was not yours to make, alone, as your husband is the leader in your home and it would cause strife among you to do so. Well, today I’m touching on how to ‘petition’ your husbands for this.
In past times, I would have turned my nose up at someone who told me that I had to ask permission or ‘petition’ my husband of something of the sort, after all it was my life and no man could tell me how to live it. I’ve come a long way in understanding that my husband is my covering; my protection. He can sense things that are right or wrong in areas that I cannot. It’s not giving up the right to be you, it’s being part of the Body. And each person has their own duty within. Your duty is to be submissive.
Petitioning your husband can be very tricky. Since after a lot of prayer you are or will be at a point that you know that you know you want to stay home [with your kids]. You just know it is the best possible decision and you are ready to make the shift, but you also have to be ok with whatever he says. Being the provider of the home, he may very well be ruled by the fear of not being able to provide ‘enough’ for his family. He may not be able to see the end from the beginning. I believe going to your husband, in humility, is the best way. Going to him as if it were Jesus you were going to ask this of. You know Jesus already has the right answer so you wouldn’t dare go armed with all your defenses ready to tell him, confrontationally, why he should agree with you. No, you would go to Him, knowing He knows best. You must take this same humility with your husband. The following are essential in petitioning your husband, feel free to use them as you desire.
1. Pray, pray, pray - clothe yourself in the armor of God as the devil will use this as a playground if you allow.
2. Be prepared - have your petition sketched out in notes (sacrifices you’re willing to make, possibilities to stretch the budget, etc.) and don’t allow yourself to engage in confrontation about why he is wrong and you are right, that’s the devil’s way.
3. Be willing to listen - men seeking God will intuitively have a sense about things.
4. Be purposed - to love him as you did before, even if his initial response is not what you wanted to hear.
5. Pray, pray, pray - if you received the answer you wanted then, yea! But your husband will need all the prayers he can get as this transition will be stretching for him. Pray for his strength and courage in Christ. If you didn’t received the answer you expected, don’t give-up! This is God’s will for you and it will come to pass, but you must exhibit Fruit; patience (steadfastness). Continue to pray for God to open your husband’s eyes to this. It may take some time, but he now knows the desire of your heart and the Lord can work on your husband in His own time/ways.
6. Leave it at the Cross - this is the most important of all. It will do NO good for you to continue beating your husband over the head with all your reasons why it will work, why it is a good thing for your family, why, why, why…. I encourage you, with all my Spirit, do not do this. It will only cut off the Blessings that God has in store. I can assure you it will cause strife and resentment in your marriage if you don’t just leave it alone, AND PRAY.
I’m by no means an expert on this, but I have been in the same position of learning how to submit for quite some time. I have the experience, as do many others I know, and that alone can predict the future on this. Pushing your way can only do harm. If you want the fullness of God in your life that He’s already provided, allow Him to manifest it, don’t try to strong-arm Him. He’s fully capable, I promise and so does He. Until tomorrow, pray.
living on one income 3: planning the transition
Alright, so I was suppose to have this post up on Monday, but I have been a bit of a procrastinator. I have to admit that I took the weekend and holiday to just enjoy my family which is greatly needed in order to maintain a tight bond.
However, the first part to this series was about how important prayer was to get the ball rolling. I spoke about this not being your decision alone, but rather submitting this to the leader of the home; your husband. Without his permission in this, it will make a miserable time of life around your home. This being his final decision, you need to pray for him. God can do things in your husband’s heart that you would never be able to do. The second part was about petitioning him to make this move. It is so important to build him up through this as he is going to be the sole provider from now on. The burden will fall on his shoulders once he comes to realization this is where you belong. This is the part where you have already sketched out the preliminary sacrifices that you feel ready for. Enabling him to make a more educated, secure decision about for your family.
This, the third part, is that of planning. However, it’s not just your planning. You must give the control over to your dear husband. Allow him to make the final decisions on which sacrifices need to be made. This is were you provide your opinion, but don’t make YOUR opinion the hill to die on. Remember, you already know this is going to work, but he may still need the Lord to persuade him in that direction. You need to sit down together and make a plan for the upcoming times. For instance - when is the appropriate time for you to quit your job? Where do we need to tighten our belt in finances? What kind of budget are we needing? And, as far as I am concerned, the most important decision to be made is that of getting rid of the credit cards. Debt will not allow you to stay home for long. You are a slave to those creditors and as long as you use them, you will not be free.
There are a few things that you alone can do to make the transition easier…
1. Do not incur any more debt than you already have (hopefully you have none). It is going to be a stretch of the dollar bill in every area and sense of the word. If you go into a store with your shopping list wrapped around a credit card, planning to use it to pay, I can guarantee you will spend more than what you have allotted for on your list. And you’ll find justifications that you need to stay away from, like, the baby needs new socks and these were on sale for $$$$$, I couldn’t pass them up. You need to pass them up. At least at first. Discipline yourself to spending ONLY what you have money for. Use cash.
2. Clip coupons. There are so many coupon sites online. Coupled with the ads you get through the newspapers and the store sale ads, you can save hundreds of dollars per year, but you have to be diligent with this. It may seem futile at first, but once you learn to work the coupons and sales together, you’ll be surprised.
3. Set yourself a budget. Part of your overall plan should be a household budget. Sit down with hubby and map out what you are going to need money for through the month (i.e. - food, non-perishables, electric bill, gasoline, oil changes, etc…). If your husband gives you XXXX amount of dollars for the grocery bill - look for ways to spend less than that. You will eventually need this extra money and will be very glad when you have the extra you need without “dipping” into another area.
4. Set limits for your own personal allowance - no more weekly shopping for clothing, shoes, or purses. There is good and bad with every decision and this is one of those less is more situations. The less you spend, the more you’ll have. This will eventually change. After you sharpen your savage shopper skills and your food budget goes down by $50 per month - ask hubby if there is another area the budget needs the money, possibly petition him to create an allowance for you to blow on decorating, shoes, or books.
5. When you do have to shop - try the local thrift stores. Swallow your pride. This is really hard to do, especially if are use to shopping name brands at expensive stores. You will be surprised at the name brand clothes you will find at thrift (even consignment) shops for 1/3 the retail price tag. It becomes a quest to find the best thrift store, with the best bang for your buck.
I think this will be enough for now. I have more ideas, but that will have to be another post, for another time. Just remember the fruit of what you will be doing is a slow work in progress, but with some time you will reap the benefits. Don’t get discouraged. You are doing the right thing in the sight of God and one day your children (and your husband) will rise-up and call you blessed.
Until next time…
living on one income 4: the transition
Ok, so you’ve taken steps one, two, and three. You and your dear husband are on the same page and both really excited about you coming home to your rightful place. Now is when you need to start organizing the transition. I would recommend you have certain things in place, for your own sanity, before your transition is official. If you’ve never been home before, you are going to be in shock. Things that never bothered you before, are going to be like nails down a chalkboard now.
My first and only recommendation in this portion of the series is ORGANIZE. Organization will be the key to your happy home. Organize your day. Organize your school (if you’re homeschooling). Organize naps. Organize everything. If it takes a portion of your day - organize it. This is not ‘rigid’ organization, but rather a set of guidelines to refer to when you become frazzled.
The first thing I did when I ‘transitioned’ was to make a schedule. I started with a piece of scratch paper and jotted down my wake-up time: 8:00am - mom get-up, make bed, get ready for day. From this point I made a list of what I wanted to have done throughout the day before my husband would come home (breakfast, girls ready for day, chores, school, etc.) and applied times to all of it. I had tweaked my times and priorites a dozen times or more by the time I had created my “perfect schedule”. Once you have this done, it’s time to transfer this to a master schedule. What is the difference you ask? Well, quite a bit.
Master schedule - this will be something that, although not necessarily etched in stone, will be a piece 
of paper that can get you back on track when everything else seems to be falling apart. This is the place in which you will be able to find your schedule, meals, chores, family time, prayers, devotions, etc…. I wish our scanner was working, but the software doesn’t work with Vista, so I’m out of luck. But maybe a picture would help clarify. My master schedule is a table made in Microsoft Word. It contains six columns and twenty rows. Across the top, of course, I have Monday - Friday (left aligned so I can write the date in). Down the side I have all my times that each priority starts. If you’re interested, you can view my schedule here. When it’s time for meals on my master, I simply leave that cell larger in order to write what meal I am making at that time, that day. I do this same thing for snacks, read alouds, chores, and family time alternatives. This is so I don’t have to flip to fifteen different pages throughout the day. In the footer on this page I have a blank space for my weekly shopping list. It’s all inclusive. I do use one other thing in order to keep all my thoughts in one place.
I have two colored, ruled post-it notes that I attach to the master. One is for notes and projects throughout the week. The other is for blog post ideas. If the week is over and the lists have not been accomplished, the undone portions get transferred to the next week’s post-its. The blog post ideas are transferred to a piece of notebook paper inside my binder. These pages are printed on regular printer paper, punched with a 3-hole punch, and reinforced with the round adhesive rings around the holes. I have 52 of these sheets in my binder, one for each week of the year.
I also have various other lists in my binder that keep me on track and make my life, oh, so much easier.
***menu list
***project list
***family time activity list
***monthly chore list
All of this (plus a whole lot more) is contained within my Great Big Book of Everything, With Everything Inside. I keep this book in a central location that I can always get to easily. The girls will even refer to this book if something is in question or they don’t remember what they are suppose to be doing. It has saved many a day in its time. I wouldn’t be without it.
Tomorrow’s post will be telling you all about this book. I will attempt to help you through creating your own HMB (Home Management Binder). Any Keeper of the home should have one.
living on one income 5: mourning
At this point in the series, you’re at home. You’ve been home for a while, but it seems to be touch and go. Not sure if the decision that has been made is all it was cracked-up to be? All those ‘things’ you’ve been use to, because you had a second income, have had to fall by the way side and you’re having a hard time dealing with(out) them? The manicures that you once had weekly have turned into scrubbing your nails with the loofah in the shower. Highlights, that once graced your locks, now look as if they’ve been buried in two inches of soil on top of your head. And high-heals just don’t seem to be as effective around the house as they once where walking from corporate headquarters, so you’ve resorted to flip-flops. Why on earth did I ever make this decision? What possessed me to think THIS was the right move? All questions that quite possibly have made their way into your mind? I understand.
All of these feelings are perfectly normal. You are in a season of mourning right now, but worry not, for I 
assure you this season is only temporary. Every woman whose stepped away from a ‘career’ has felt this way; myself included.
My advice to you on this matter is simply focus on God. Just like when you have a baby - and those ridiculous Lamaze classes, we all go through and never use, tell you to focus on an object to take your mind off the contractions…your focus needs to now be directed somewhere else. Christian or not, you have been living the life of the worldly woman and the devil does not want you to be at home. He will deceive you every chance he gets and telling you this was the wrong decision is just one of his ploys. Focus all your attention on Christ and fill every minute of your time, worshipping Him. The more you pour into keeping your home and your family, the more you will love every minute of what you’re doing. It will not give you any time to dwell on what you haven’t been able to do - make a LIST.
And most of all - remember why you are doing this. I don’t think any of us stay at home to have a blue ribbon pinned to our chest. I believe, in today’s society, it takes a true miracle from God to get women to stay at home. Remember, this is where God wants you and every action you exhibit, you should be doing because you want to please God, through serving your family. What you are doing right now, in life, is the greatest ministry you will ever have the pleasure of serving. Your God, your husband, your family!
If you need more encouragement in this area check out this interview with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Janet Parshall at Revive Our Hearts. An interview that speaks of how hard it can be to stand as a lone beacon of Light amongst the darkness. When others are tearing down where you are and what you’re doing, this short interview will build-up that foundation on which you stand.
